This is the third tutorial in our new Sparkle Schoolhouse Series!
This tutorial accompanies the “Dry Gables” Audio Book, specifically the third story in the Audio Book, “Big Hearts from Yankton.”
Every tutorial in this Series uses the characters in the stories as tools to help you better understand your children, and trust your instincts as a parent.
First there’s a video — introducing Meredith, the Sparkle Schoolhouse Educator, along with the Schoolhouse Series. She’ll be unpacking the third story in the Audio Book.
And below the video there is a blog post with a concise review of the video material, plus things you can do to put these ideas to work in your own home!
Hello there, Fellow Sparklers!
It’s time now to acquaint ourselves a little better with our friends and members of the Herz Family. Just as we did with Bauers, we are going to ask, “What is our child, telling us that is needed?”
Herz friends and family members are saying:
“I need you to see me and love me as I am. I need more validation.”
So, where do we see that Leisl, EB and Seamus are all asking to be seen and valued?
Leisl (our nurse) she loves helping her friends and neighbors. She shows her love to others by helping them, and she wants to feel love in return.
EB (Leisl’s nephew) wants to be somebody and to make something out of himself. He is also looking to accomplish something and to contribute.
Seamus O’Conner (our Irishman and our school teacher) didn’t quite feel that he belonged, and he didn’t feel seen or valued. He wants to find a place where he can both be who is truly is, but also share his gifts with free expression.
Each, in their own way, for some attention and validation, and each is asking that they are seen for who they truly are. They have so much to give, and at the same time, what they look for in return is the validation that they are worthy and loved for who they are at their core.
A friend or Herz Family member wants to maintain their image that they are good, worthy and significant.
The primary expression that we might find in their words, actions, emotions and behaviors is: “See and love me as I am and as I want to be seen.”
The driving emotion that often underlies their motivations or that they are defending against feeling is Shame.
I find that if a child is insecure or if they seem to lack confidence, then perhaps they need reassurances that they are loved just as they are, and that I value them just for who they are. While we know that all children need that (as do we!), I do find that some children need that to be tended to more than others do.
Here’s what you can do:
As you observe your child’s actions, emotions and words, be thinking if what he/she is really asking for is validation. If so, perhaps you can try giving your child reassurances that you value them for who they are, not only for what they do.
Pay attention to and make room for their shame.
And very important is to remember that we’re going to do all of this while being generous and benevolent with ourselves and with our children, not in determining what needs to be fixed in us or our child, but rather, from a still, open place in looking for what is being called for.
What is your child telling you that he or she needs?
You have the answer!
About the Author
Meredith has been working with adults and children of all ages for the past 25 years as a Waldorf Teacher and Educational Consultant. She received a B.A. with a focus on child development and child psychology from the University of Michigan, in 1984, an M.A. Ed from Washington University in 1987, and her Waldorf Teaching Certificate from the Lehrerausbildung (Teacher Training) in Nurnberg, Germany in 1989. She was certified as a Living Inquiries Facilitator in 2014, and she completed her formal teaching certification with The Enneagram Institute in 2014. Her work in the classroom and with individuals and groups is designed to help people of all ages to drop self-limiting beliefs to live a more joyful and compassionate life.