Sparkle Schoolhouse

Sparkle Weekly Wonderings: Serving Up Gratitude

I just wrote an article for Good Men Project that I wanted to share with you all:

When I was a kid, Thanksgiving was always the same: we ate at my Grandparents house, we ate the same foods, we watched one game of football while munching on salted nuts, and then we played football after the Thanksgiving meal. My memories of Thanksgiving are all glorious. I don’t remember ever feeling bored or impatient or ambivalent – only delight and reassurance in the sameness of it.

Sameness is a challenge today. Now that I am in charge, I have found it difficult to cultivate consistent traditions. My wife and I like change. We enjoy trying new things for the menu and the order of events. What I am finding, however, is that I haven’t enjoyed Thanksgiving as much as I used to. I continue to look forward to the holiday with authentic eagerness and possibility, but have left many of the recent Thanksgivings feeling a little let down. A little unimpressed.

Now, of course part of the issue is that I am a grown up. I am supposed to know things and make decisions, and one of the gifts of childhood is that other people do everything for you. Not making decisions gives lots of room for delight and fun. So, the trick for adults … is to find that delight and fun in other ways. My recommendation is to do this through Narrative Density.

People love stories. We are meaning-making creatures and storytelling is our preferred way of making sense of things. If you doubt this, listen to a lecture sometime and notice when you lull off and when you sit up at attention. Odds are, you become alert when the lecturer says something like, “This reminds me of a story – “ or “in order to illustrate this, let me tell you a story”. We are hungry for stories – they feed us in way that is difficult to describe but recognizable when we feel it.

When something is “narratively dense,” it has a concentration of stories. Netflix, obviously, is narratively dense – as is the evening news. To regularly check Facebook or Twitter is common because social media is narratively dense. So how do we make Thanksgiving (or any holiday) more narratively dense? Tell lots of stories.

When you consider your Thanksgiving menu, consider the stories that go with each dish. Was this a recipe that was passed down through generations? Is this a meal that is traditional in a certain culture or heritage? When was the last time you had this dish and what happened? Making the meal narratively dense will make the meal more delightful and fun.

The same goes for the event planning. How will the day be organized? Who is cooking and what is everyone else doing? Who are you sharing the meal with and what are their Thanksgiving traditions? Is football or the Macy’s Parade or the Turkey Trot or playing outside in the dark a part of anyone’s tradition? If you can weave family stories into the day and let those stories inform what you do and when you do it … you will make room for more delight and fun.

And when it is time to sit down and eat, consider weaving in stories. Who did you celebrate Thanksgiving with in the past? What were your favorite dishes? Remember years ago when the turkey was too frozen to cook and everyone had burritos – or the time the dog ate all the stuffing or when mom dropped the tray of pies on dad? These stories are pure gold and are guaranteed to create the kind of holidays your children will cherish and look forward to year after year.