Their Cape Is Already On: Why the Things Your Child Gets in Trouble for May Be a Gift Hiding in Plain Sight

Every parent knows the feeling: the email from a teacher, the quick pull-aside from the coach after soccer practice, or the casual comment at a birthday party that makes your stomach drop just a little. Your child is too bossy. Too sensitive. Can’t sit still. Daydreaming when they should be listening. Even when delivered constructively, those words can feel like both a critique of your child and of your parenting skills. Rest assured, most of these problems are neither a condemnation of you or your child, but a sign that your child may have superpowers that they haven’t quite grown into yet.

Nobody Said Having a Superpower Was Convenient

We’re not trying to sugarcoat the situation. After all, a teacher, coach, or camp counselor has the unenviable task of keeping 20 or so children in check. A child who can be an occasional distraction might disrupt an environment that should ideally be a quiet space where young minds can stay calm and focused. But what can be inconvenient in the classroom setting might turn out to be essential for a thriving life.

That said, many of the “problem behaviors” that kids exhibit early on can actually be seen as strong innate abilities operating without a steering wheel. In other words, your children are already showing indicators of their strengths and what they might grow up to be, but they haven’t figured out the right context in which to use these abilities.

Take for example a child who’s been labeled as bossy. While parents and teachers alike may see “bossy” behavior as a sign that their child is not developing social skills or perhaps is not a team player, bossiness is often an early indicator that a child has leadership qualities. While, yes, a child who comes off as a bit overbearing may need to learn where and when it’s socially appropriate to assert themselves, showing early leadership skills is something to be encouraged

Reframing Negative Terminology

Speaking of labels like “bossy,” let’s take a moment to reframe some of these negative connotations into what they truly are:

Bossy = Equipped with natural leadership abilities and a knack for clarity and vision
Stubborn = A strong-willed personality who places high importance on integrity
Fidgety = High kinetic energy and physical intelligence
Sensitive = Highly empathetic with deep intuition and emotional intelligence
Daydreamer = Rich imagination, creative problem solver

Holding Space for the Unfinished Story

Managing some of these traits can be tricky, of course. While these positive traits are slowly evolving into the superpowers they will one day become, there will certainly be moments of frustration from their teachers, classmates, siblings, and even from you. That’s normal. But what’s important is that overall, children are met with “developmental grace.” What that means is understanding that superpowers take years to master, and before children get the chance to show off the skills that they’ve mastered, there are going to be some missteps.

As a parent, the job isn’t to dissuade them from the personality traits that get them into trouble, but to help them learn how to wield their budding superpowers through redirection when they use them at inappropriate times.

Take, for example, a child who tends to get lost in daydreams when they should be focused on schoolwork. Children who exhibit this behavior often have an exciting thought or idea in their mind that’s almost too irresistible to explore. If you see your child’s eyes glaze over as they become lost in thought, connect with them by gently putting a hand on their shoulder, saying their name softly and saying something like, “I can tell your imagination was working hard. Try writing down what you were thinking and you can return to it once your homework is done.”

No doubt, there will surely be some hiccups along the way, as some kids are bound to be more cooperative than others when you try to point their superpowers in the right direction, but remember to take the long view. The world doesn’t need kids who are perfectly cooperative in every setting; it needs adults who know who they are and how to use their unique gifts. With the right approach, you can help them get there.

In-the-Moment Anchors for Parents

Speaking of the right approach, make sure you’re doing everything you need to do to self-soothe when things aren’t going 100% smoothly with your gifted child. Here are a few things to say in the more stressful moments to help you keep your eyes on the prize:

To yourself:
“This may be inconvenient now, but it’s a strength that will serve them well when they are 30.”

To teachers/adults:
“Thank you for your feedback. We’re working on the timing and context of their behaviors while also trying to reinforce their passion and determination.”

To your child:
“Your big feelings, big ideas, and strong will are a gift. Let’s practice when to keep them in check and when to let them loose.”

A Glimpse into What the Future May Hold

While nobody can hold a crystal ball for who children will grow up to become, sometimes the behaviors that can get them into trouble can leave possible clues. With the right guidance and the self-confidence to follow their instincts, different traits might lead to specific positive outcomes. Here’s a brief list of traits that may seem like a problem now, and where they could potentially lead your child.

A Stubborn Child: An adult who holds the line and stands up for what’s right, even when it’s uncomfortable or unpopular.

A Bossy Child: A leader with the quiet confidence to lead a team at the workplace, on the playing field, or anywhere where clarity is needed.

A Child Who Is Too Sensitive: A deeply empathetic counselor, veterinarian, partner, or artist who notices the pain in others and offers a safe space in troubled times.

A Child Who Fidgets: A dynamic and energetic builder, athlete, or entrepreneur who brings vitality and momentum into all their endeavors.

A Child Who Daydreams: An inventive thinker, problem-solver, or writer who sees possibilities where others don’t.

Remember, when we try to smooth out every rough edge, we run the risk of dulling the very thing that makes children who they are. It may take a while for them to grow into their capes; in fact, they may even trip on them every once in a while. But our job isn’t to take the cape away. It’s simply to hold their hands, offer gentle boundaries, and keep reminding them that their strength is a gift. One day, they’ll figure out how to master it.

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